New Year Resolutions

I don't know why I do this to myself, but whenever the new year comes around, I feel compelled to put together a list of resolutions. Perhaps I get excited about the prospects of a new year and what I can accomplish. Perhaps I get go through this exercise because I personally believe that there is always room for personal improvement. Perhaps I like being introspective. Maybe it's all of the above.

Whatever the case is, some ideas have been bouncing around in my head since yesterday that I thought I should jot down before the moment escapes me. Here they are in no particular order of importance:

1. I will encourage my new habit - running
I would like to carve out at least three times a week when I can get in a good 60 minute run at the very least. I really enjoy the feeling of fresh air, of pushing through the last two miles and the sense of accomplishment as I'm cooling down with stretching at the end of my run. Besides, running has been the only physical activity that genuinely makes me fell healthy and in shape.

2. I will strive to understand and not to conclude.
Since I'm such a brainiac academic, I immediately jump towards being critical and skeptical before understanding the nuances of a particular issue, subject, or person. This makes me, as a friend of mine calls it, "judgy" at times. I love being able to dialog with people and learning about different points of views and experiences, but sometimes I am too quick to judge. I would like to believe that I am a good judge of character but lately some experiences have made me question my abilities to size up people or to anticipate what is going to happen in a specific situation. I must utilize my skill of being critical to better understand.

3. I need to get over myself.
The best thing about D is that over the years, he has taught me to not take myself so seriously. When we were dating, he used to say to tell me that I needed to "get over it" or "get past it" and this annoyed me to no end. At that time, I thought he was being dismissive, passive, or just nonconfrontational. I thought it was a self-defense or self-preservation mechanism that he employed because he just didn't want to deal with the real issues at hand. In the last several years and after much self-reflection, I think I take myself too seriously sometimes. I'm smart but not that smart; I still have a lot learn. My academic interests center of race and inequality but in the past several years, I have come to realize that things are much mroe complicated than that (this also connects to resolution #2). Some people might call me a sell-out for writing this, but I have begun to not react as quickly when, for example, I hear a racist remark. Instead, I take some time to try to understand where a person is coming from and why they are being that way and then I try to address the situation in a more appropriate moment. This approach seems to leave a much more long-lasting effect on the person than me just jumping up and saying: you're racist! In addition, I think I feel much more comfortable being more strategic about how I address controversial issues. I think a lot of liberal folks who are knee-jerk reactionists really turn moderate and conservative folks off when they rant and rave about whatever social injustice seems to be occurring instead of having a civil conversation. On the other hand, there is always a time a place for getting angry and acting out. I am more discerning about both approaches now that I understand the complexities of life a bit more.

4. I will be less distracted.
I do not need to check my Facebook account , email, or blog everyday. I will be okay with untethering myself from these forms of "communication" and focus on more quality interactions. I will turn off the tv when I'm eating dinner with D. I will not surf when I'm on the phone. I will not multitask at the risk of having an inauthentic interaction with another human being or simply for the sake of convenience. I will work harder to interact with people in real time and be fully aware of my words, thoughts, and feelings in those moments.

5. I must share appreciation and say "I love you" more.
I want to tell D that I love him everyday. It doesn't have to be exactly in those words, but I want him to know. I also want my parents to know how much I appreciate and love them even thought they can annoy me to no end. I want to tell all of you, my friends, what I appreciate you for and the growth you have brought to my life. I will tell that workers' manager how good her customer service was and to leave a generous tip when the wait staff treats me like a human being and not just another person to add to their tip jar. I will praise my students more because they need to be told that they have worked hard in my class and that other people should listen because they have something important to say. I will say thank you when strangers are polite and chivalry because those two things are unspoken social agreements that becoming extinct in this increasingly informal and causal society.

6. I will look into and develop a business plan for that idea I've been kicking around.
Stay tuned for more details.

7. I will stop being so hard on myself.
In conjunction with resolutions #2 and #3, I have to remind myself that I am human and I make mistakes. I have a tendency to be very hard on myself because I don't make excuses for myself and I am a hard worker but I need to remind myself that I don't know everything, and I can't possibly always say/do the right things. And when stupid things happen, I will now get over myself, learn from my mistakes, and laugh it off. D always says that I don't smile or laugh enough.

8. I will tell people happy birthday more.
My close friends know that I am horrible with remembering important dates like birthdays and anniversaries. Even though I have them written down somewhere, I always seem to forget to send a card or buy a present. The best I can muster is usually a belated birthday card or gift. I have decided that this sucks and is unacceptable. As part of resolution #5, I will show the people I love that I care by being thoughtful during their birthdays and other important dates. If you want to be included in this love fest, make sure you email me you birthdate!

9. I live more sustainably.
My parents have already gotten PG&E to come out and help them make their house more energy efficient. Granted, they did it to figure out how to save more money on utility bills, the side effect is that they are leaving a remarkably smaller environmental footprint than they already are (my parents never turn on the heater and they have been low-flow everything since the 1980s droughts). I will start by figuring out how to make my house more energy efficient as well. I have already begun to swear off bottled water so eventually I will get one of those reverse-osmosis water filter things installed. I already try to take the Amtrak and BART as much as possible, but I still have to figure out how to use less gas. Inspired by my mom, my next steps are to get recipes from her on homemade and natural cleaning concoctions.

10. I will accept that I am a size 10 and if I'm going to workout it's because I want to be healthy and not skinny.
This is extremely difficult for me to admit because I spent most of my adolescence being a size 4 or 6. It hasn't been until these past 3 years that I have become a size 10. I attribute much of my weight gain to not being physically active as much (I spend most of my time on my ass reading books or pecking away at my laptop). I am constantly surrounded by people who are skinnier than me and all this time I have been a closet dieter. I will not diet anymore and workout because I want to feel healthy and able to get away from a killer who is chasing me down the street. I guess this resolution also goes with #1 and #4.

11. I will develop a signature dish to cook and a drink to make.
My most stylish friends seem to have a signature dish they cook and a signature drink they can make when they go to social gatherings or parties. I always thought that ability was cool so it's time for me to develop my own. I think people know me for my tomato and mozzarella salad and my apple martinis but I don't feel like I've perfected either of them and made a name for myself yet.

12. I will accept that a monthly salary of $1500 can only buy me so much personal style.
I have very few friends now who are grad students. Most of my friends are mid career, if not already in business for themselves or in VP-level positions. Sometimes I become really self-conscious because I realize that some of my friends are super high rollers and I'm not. Even though D brings in enough for us to live a very comfortable lifestyle, our finances still remain relatively separate. I also still don't feel comfortable asking D for spending money (this is my feminist and working class side coming out now) even though I know D would give me whatever money I asked for. I pretty much make due with my monthly salary as a university teaching assistant and cover all the basic household expenses such as utilities, groceries, and other supplies. In the past I used to shop at second-hand clothing stores but it has been increasingly difficult to take the time to pick through racks of used clothing. My favorite places to shop are JCrew (the pants are perfect length on me and the sales are sometimes really good), H&M (chic and trendy affordable splurges on a dime), Forever 21 (ditto previous), and Old Navy/Gap Outlet for the basics. I feel frustrated a lot however because it's pretty difficult to put together a cohesive and stylish wardrobe being a commuter student. I have to wear outfits that can handle two different climates (Bay Area versus Davis) and a long commute (2 hrs and 30 minutes on the Amtrak each way). And while I love looking through Lucky magazine but there are rarely any good suggestions for how to be stylish as a hard-core commuter. Maybe someone needs to get me onto one of those makeover shows? I adore Tim Gunn- maybe I can get on his show??? *sigh*

I need to end on something less depressing. How's about this:

13. I will devote more time to a community project. I'm going to return to the issue of labor and workers' rights in the Asian American community.

And of course, how could I forget...

14. I will run at least another half-marathon this year!