The big thing about going to the conference Saturday was to hit the session on fellowships for Cultural Studies students. I have been to figure out how to not be dependent on working at school for tuition remission. The way things are set up, I can only get remission if I work at least 25% (10 hours a week) at school. While this may not seem like much, it actually takes up quite a bit of time because I have to actually be physically present in Davis to do this work. So those days are all eaten up with driving up and back. Frankly, I have grown very tired of the commute and long to be free of the shackles of grad student slave work.
The session was interesting but not very informative. Instead, the one huge thing that I came away with was the realization that I was basically screwed. The basic problem is with the timing of applications, which are usually due in the fall. So applications are actually submitted for the year before you actually need the funds, which means that there is always a year delay before you find out if you got the funding. This timeline prevents me from finishing next fall, which was my original goal. If I turn in applications this fall, I'll be funded for the following school year, which means that I won't be done with my PhD until spring of 2010.
This realization was truly disheartening. What could I do about it? I tried to look at it in a more positive way. I could take the additional time to work on publications and building my CV so I could be more competitive when I come out onto the job market. That extra time would be beneficial even though I would have to go another year without a annual-salary job.
I would have to break the news to D later on and hope for the best reaction. Being in grad school has put an incredible strain on our ability to be financially stable. I know that D has been wanting to explore other opportunities in other areas such as starting his own business, but he cannot do this when I don't have a salary that can support us. He's been growing tired of his work for some time now and I know that there is a part of him that is only sticking to his work in order to support us. While there is relatively little I can do about this, I feel very guilty about not financially contributing. It's been a struggle to go through grad school and basically bring home just enough to handle the utility bills and weekly groceries. Whereas before, I left a very well-paying job and was just beginning my rise in the field of higher education. I often wonder if it's been worth it.
I popped in to several other sessions but admittedly the best part of Saturday was buying my NYU sweatshirt at the bookstore. For some reason or another, I had never let myself buy an NYU sweatshirt while I was a student or any other time I returned to New York for a visit. I picked out this comfortable purple sweatshirt with cream New York University letters across the front. Perfect for early morning walks with Obi or just lounging around the house.
That evening E and J would take me to my last delicious meal for this trip. We went to Elettaria in the West Village. This restaurant was fairly new and had a strong Sex in the City vibe to it - E, J and I were very casually dressed in comparison the rest of the trendy outfits, which was quite appropro since the Patricia Field store was right across the street. If you're not familiar with Field, she has been the stylist for the Sex in the City shows as well as the latest SNTC flick.
The dinner was very good. J pointed out the head chef, who looked South Asian to me, and we both agreed that he was the hottest looking chef we had ever seen. After dinner, we met up with some of E's friends who were have post-dinner drinks at Flatiron Lounge. Another trendy place in heart of the Flatiron district, the lounge likened itself a Prohibition-era jazz joint, without the live jazz. I liked the Art-Deco details of the lounge, as it reminded me of home in San Francisco. Again too casually dressed, I noticed the upscale feel to the patrons' outfits. Many of them seemed to be having post-dinner as well as pre-party drinks. Even the drink servers were dressed in flapper-like outfits, adding to the style of the lounge.
I was pretty tired and would have to wake up by 6a to catch my 8a flight out the next morning. So while E and J were deliberating about heading out to J's friend's birthday bash at a club, I decided I was going to head back on my own. I could tell that E didn't really feel like heading to a party, also because of his casual attire. After much deliberating, we all decided to head back to the apartment for some last Rock Banding before my departure.
On the whole this trip was the most relaxing and enjoyable visit back to New York City I've ever had. I felt like I had plenty of time to walk around, eat good (but expensive) food, hang out with friends and see my old mentor, as well as get some work done. I can't imagine hanging out in NYC any other way. Until next time... thanks to E and J for being super-awesome hosts that provided wonderful conversation, a comfy air-matress to crash on, and the insider's scoop on some awesome places to eat. I wish you all had friends like E and J because there's nothing like having local NYC foodie friends to eat your way through your visit to the Big Apple.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Ms. ABD in NYC - Part 2
After that semi-glorious first whole day, I had to get my ass in gear for the conference that I supposedly in NYC for. I touched up my overly social science-y powerpoint in the morning and took to the streets at about 930a. I estimated that NYU was just about a 15 minute walk away so I took a brisk Friday morning walk with a zillion other people doing who-knows-what. This inevitably happens when I'm walking in NYC; I get into this frame of mind that I have to walk quickly and and efficiently, which usually results in zero tolerance for slow walkers or people who block the street. I also hate people who don't walk on red when the streets are clear. Then I get into mental racing walking with other people trying to get to the corner first, or walk on the sidewalk jockeying for maximum personal space. I don't know why I get this way in NYC, but it inevitably happens.
The conference went relatively well the next day but the turnout for my particular session was a huge disappointment. I didn't notice this before on the program but the panel moderator was actually presenting TWO papers in addition to my own and one other person. So we had to sit through her reading of both of her papers (reading papers is typical at this things) while the audience of five struggled to stay awake.
All I could do was just try to get through the session. The moderator's papers were typical film analysis. The other presenter talked about Barack Obama and the "crush" videos that have popped up on You Tube. His paper was a little bit more interesting to me because it involved watching some You Tube videos and not just listening to him talk.
My paper stood in stark contrast to the previous ones. I had a powerpoint presentation and focused on Asian Americans, whereas the first two were mainly about African Americans and Blackness. My paper was more like a presentation of sorts, where I was half reading and half actually talking with the audience. Definitely a more sociological feel to it.
The disappointing thing was that no one had any questions or comments for me. The audience mainly talked to the first two presenters while I just sat and smiled. I came to the conclusion that my conference days were over. I wasn't going to do another conference unless it was at a larger, more disciplinary conference, perhaps like the American Sociological Association or something like that.
I finished up the day by attending two more sessions on Cultural Studies and Policy and another one, which I forget the topic. The policy panel heartened me because it was great to be in a roomful of academics who identified themselves as Cultural Studies scholars who were concerned with shaping policy. More of my cup of tea instead of textual analysis (though there is nothing wrong with that stuff). I've always wanted my scholarship to have some sort of impact in people lives, or be the kind of scholarship that people can pick and use in some way.
I was tired after that long afternoon. I walked back to E and J's place for a quick nap. That evening I had planning to meet up with some old friends - S, a former roommate, and P, a friend of a former roommate. S and P were friends I could always talk about TV and film with. They were people who I could have a serious conversation about the next Hollywood blockbuster, who I could count on for some serious critical review of some tv show or movie. They didn't take themselves too seriously but treated entertainment news as something that was valued knoweldge that could be fun to talk about.
I met up with them at Jeollado, this Korean/Japanese restaurant in the Lower East Side, that had a wonderful front entrance that rolled up, as if you were walking into someone's house through the garage. The walk there was wonderful - Friday night, after work, and full of workers unwinding from the long week. The weather was perfect as well, not too warm and a slight breeze. I got to the restaurant first, knowing that S and P would be late, which was their usual MO. I sat and drank a gingerale and watched the people walking by on the street.
P walked in about 30 minutes late and S joined us later for a snack. We talked about for about an hour and caught up on what were had all been up to. Then we decided to grab some ice cream on the way home at this ice cream place called Australian Homemade. It was kind of weird because there seemed to be nothing very distinctively Australian about the ice cream or the fudge that the dessert shop was selling. P shared that many people felt that the Australian thing was a marketing scheme to make the ice cream seem more distinctive. If this was the case, marketing was brilliant because there was a steady stream of customers the entire hour and a half we were there.
We decided to call it a night because everyone felt a bit tired and had things to do over the weekend. We walked across to St. Mark's Place, where the NYU and international Japanese crowd smoked and overfilled the restaurants and bars. Seeing all the revelers brought back memories from my years as an NYU student. We bid each other farewell and P and S jumped into their respective cabs. Two minutes later, I was all alone, walking back to the apartment again.
As I stepped off the elevator, I could hear the faint sounds of someone drumming on drum pads. I came to the apartment door and could tell that E and J were engaged in a serious game of Rock Band with some friends. Their friend V, who I had met around the same time of being introduced to E, was banging away on the drum set and two other friends were struggling with the respective guitars. J was singing away and E was cheering them on in the back. I was exhausted and wanted to go to sleep but everyone was having such a good time that I mustered some energy and joined in. After the friends left, E, J and I couldn't help ourselves and played a couple more songs before heading to bed.
I was left with about 5 hours of sleep if I wanted to make the first session at 9am.
The conference went relatively well the next day but the turnout for my particular session was a huge disappointment. I didn't notice this before on the program but the panel moderator was actually presenting TWO papers in addition to my own and one other person. So we had to sit through her reading of both of her papers (reading papers is typical at this things) while the audience of five struggled to stay awake.
All I could do was just try to get through the session. The moderator's papers were typical film analysis. The other presenter talked about Barack Obama and the "crush" videos that have popped up on You Tube. His paper was a little bit more interesting to me because it involved watching some You Tube videos and not just listening to him talk.
My paper stood in stark contrast to the previous ones. I had a powerpoint presentation and focused on Asian Americans, whereas the first two were mainly about African Americans and Blackness. My paper was more like a presentation of sorts, where I was half reading and half actually talking with the audience. Definitely a more sociological feel to it.
The disappointing thing was that no one had any questions or comments for me. The audience mainly talked to the first two presenters while I just sat and smiled. I came to the conclusion that my conference days were over. I wasn't going to do another conference unless it was at a larger, more disciplinary conference, perhaps like the American Sociological Association or something like that.
I finished up the day by attending two more sessions on Cultural Studies and Policy and another one, which I forget the topic. The policy panel heartened me because it was great to be in a roomful of academics who identified themselves as Cultural Studies scholars who were concerned with shaping policy. More of my cup of tea instead of textual analysis (though there is nothing wrong with that stuff). I've always wanted my scholarship to have some sort of impact in people lives, or be the kind of scholarship that people can pick and use in some way.
I was tired after that long afternoon. I walked back to E and J's place for a quick nap. That evening I had planning to meet up with some old friends - S, a former roommate, and P, a friend of a former roommate. S and P were friends I could always talk about TV and film with. They were people who I could have a serious conversation about the next Hollywood blockbuster, who I could count on for some serious critical review of some tv show or movie. They didn't take themselves too seriously but treated entertainment news as something that was valued knoweldge that could be fun to talk about.
I met up with them at Jeollado, this Korean/Japanese restaurant in the Lower East Side, that had a wonderful front entrance that rolled up, as if you were walking into someone's house through the garage. The walk there was wonderful - Friday night, after work, and full of workers unwinding from the long week. The weather was perfect as well, not too warm and a slight breeze. I got to the restaurant first, knowing that S and P would be late, which was their usual MO. I sat and drank a gingerale and watched the people walking by on the street.
P walked in about 30 minutes late and S joined us later for a snack. We talked about for about an hour and caught up on what were had all been up to. Then we decided to grab some ice cream on the way home at this ice cream place called Australian Homemade. It was kind of weird because there seemed to be nothing very distinctively Australian about the ice cream or the fudge that the dessert shop was selling. P shared that many people felt that the Australian thing was a marketing scheme to make the ice cream seem more distinctive. If this was the case, marketing was brilliant because there was a steady stream of customers the entire hour and a half we were there.
We decided to call it a night because everyone felt a bit tired and had things to do over the weekend. We walked across to St. Mark's Place, where the NYU and international Japanese crowd smoked and overfilled the restaurants and bars. Seeing all the revelers brought back memories from my years as an NYU student. We bid each other farewell and P and S jumped into their respective cabs. Two minutes later, I was all alone, walking back to the apartment again.
As I stepped off the elevator, I could hear the faint sounds of someone drumming on drum pads. I came to the apartment door and could tell that E and J were engaged in a serious game of Rock Band with some friends. Their friend V, who I had met around the same time of being introduced to E, was banging away on the drum set and two other friends were struggling with the respective guitars. J was singing away and E was cheering them on in the back. I was exhausted and wanted to go to sleep but everyone was having such a good time that I mustered some energy and joined in. After the friends left, E, J and I couldn't help ourselves and played a couple more songs before heading to bed.
I was left with about 5 hours of sleep if I wanted to make the first session at 9am.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Ms. ABD in New York City - Part 1
There is always something really sad about being at JFK, waiting for my return flight to California. I was feeling especially sad last night because this trip to NYC was one of my favorite by far. The interesting thing is that I really didn't do much. Most of my days were spent meeting up with friends, walking around Manhattan, and jsut enjoying the terrific weather.
I had the good fortune of catching my wanderlust friends friends E and J right after they got back from their own travels. They hosted me this past week by offering their Union Square apartment, living room and air mattress to me. One of my favorite things about E and J is that they are a couple who enjoys good culture, good stories, and especially really good food. They foodies in the traditional sense - avid readers of restaurant reviews, food articles, online articles about good places to eat and drink, and their travels are centered on eating good food. I knew I would be in luck in terms of eating good food this week.
I got in Wednesday night in time for dinner and they first place they took me to was a contemporary Indian restaurant in their neighborhood called Tamarind. We took a brisk walk over about a dozen blocks and got to the restaurant just missing the 8p wave. We were stuck waiting at the bar and ordered delicious drinks served in overly small glasses. There is nothing that annoys me more than places that charge an insane amount for drinks in small glasses. Though I guess I could understand that this was Manhattan after all and the restaurant was contemporary in a chi-chi kind of way, but still, my mostly-ice gingerale didn't seem worth it. The clientle were mainly beautiful South Asians grabbing a bite to eat with friends after work. The bar started to get crowded 30 minutes into the wait. After we all commented about our growing hunger, E began to get annoyed at the host at the front door who had promised no more than a 20 minute wait.
I am amazed at how E is able to turn his assertive New Yorker (a combination of aggressive and joking annoyance on the verge of going ape-shit if you if you don't give him what he wants pronto). Perhaps it's been too long since I last hung out with him in our Bay Area environs but this was a new side to him that I hypothesize has developed in the past 10 years or so of becoming a true New Yorker. It made me reflect on how non-confrontational I've become. (Laster in the week E gently poked fun at my noticeable "California softness.")
So after some assertive guilting, we were seated and enjoyed some wonderful Indian food. I was impressed with the dishes, which seemed like a less greasy and heavy version of the Indian offerings back home. The best dish was this spicy deep fried cauliflower with a tomato-based red sauce. I also enjoyed the tamarind, orange, and a bunch of other fruits drink I can't remember that left the back of my throat with a warm burning sensation. Our walk back home, passeggiata, E tells me as the Italians refer to it, made the evening perfect; the weather was mild and we chatted with full, content bellies.
I woke up the next morning and decided to head out to the Museum of Natural History. I had never gone before and after seeing A Night At the Museum with Ben stiller, I was curious to see if the Museum was really that full of interesting displays of Western anthropological "findings." The trip up the West side was also on my way to visit a former professor and mentor at Columbia University, Professor G.
The beginning of the trip would start off bad. I walked around the corner to a bodega and picked up some breakfast because like typical busy big city folk, E and J had nothing but two kinds of beer and condiments in their fridge. I picked up a Metro Card and had some difficulty getting into the station because none of the turnstiles seemed to work. A man was closing up the station told me to go through the emergency doors and offered to take card to swipe me in. Before I really stopped to think about what was going on, he was swiping my card. Rookie mistake. I had an odd feeling like something weird just went down, like this interaction didn't seem quite right, but I heard the train coming and decided to ignore the strange feeling. The train came and I headed uptown. I would have to deal with that funny feeling later.
Even though the sun peeked through the clouds once in awhile, the sky sprinkled rain on and off on the way to the Museum. The train ride eased me back into NYC life and everything brought me back to my brief days as a New Yorker. I got off the B train at 81st street and walked around the corner. I was surprised to see the front of the Museum filled with tourists and school children. I entered the Museum and found the automated ticketing kiosks. The signs weren't too clear so I just purchased a general admission ticket for a student. Even though I later realized that this ticket wouldn't get me into the special exhibits - horses, the planetarium, and butterflies - I could walk around all the other areas.
The rest of the museum was fascinating from a cultural studies perspective. I shared with Professor G that I went to the Museum and mentioned the displays objectified and exoticized "people" of Africa, Asia, etc. He explained that that was to be expected since the Museum was originally designed in the 1930s by a eugenicist. This made sense to me given the evolutionary feel to the layout of the museum. I spent a total of over two hours at the museum and finished with the gemological exhibit. It's kind of sad but most of the exhibits the museum looked old and dingy. The newest exhibits were all about human evolution, DNA, ecology, and environmental preservation.
I had about 45 minutes to get to Columbia to see Professor G. so I decided to walk to Amsterdam, grab a quick bite to eat along the way and then hop on the local red line. I found this great corner deli and sandwich place that had yummy chicken noodle soup. I sat by the window and watched all the people walking by.
After that brief interlude, I walked the next block up and went into the subway. When I tried to scan my Metrocard, the turnstile told me that I had insufficient fare. I went over to the kiosk to scan my card to verify the remaining funds. Again, insufficient fare. The attendant saw my disconcertedness and scanned my for me. He reported that the last fare occurred at 830am. I felt stupid at that moment because I recalled my gut feeling earlier that morning when they guy "helped me." I had been scammed.
I didn't give it anymore thought because what else could I do but chalk it up to a lesson learned and a reminder to listen to my gut instincts? I quickly purchased another card and got on the next train uptown.
Columbia and Barnard were in the middle of graduation season so there were plenty of dressed up students and families running around. I got asked three times for directions to the graduation and unfortunately for them, I couldn't be helpful at all.
I found Professor G's building and decided to walk up to the third floor. I knocked on his door about 10 minutes early. The door slowly swung open and I was greeted by a happy chocolate cocker spaniel. Sophie sniffed my pants and proceeded to lick my hands despite probably smelling Obi. As Professor G. and I talked Sophie sat by my side or dozed off on the floor. Professor G. was getting old. The smile lines around his eyes and mouth showed more distinctly but his eyes and laugh did not betray any loss of youthful spirit. I left his office happy that I had reconnected with a mentor and an old friend. I know that he will remain a consistent source of support of guidance.
I ended my day with dinner back downtown with E and J. They took me to this unusual place that apparently was the latest "hot" restaurant amongst NYC locals: Momofuku Ssam. The menu is really unique - lots of strange meats, small dishes, and influences from all over the world. Their drinks are also a bit eccentric - I wanted to order a Coke and all they had was Dr. Pepper and Diet Dr. Pepper! Even though we were totally stuffed, we walked over to Chikalicious dessert bar for some exquisite sweets. Everything at this place is paired with some kind of dessert wine and is prix fixe. The course includes an amuse, choice of dessert, and petit fours. For an additional cost, you can also get wine paired.
What a way to end the night. Stuffed, we took over evening stoll back to the apartment.
I had the good fortune of catching my wanderlust friends friends E and J right after they got back from their own travels. They hosted me this past week by offering their Union Square apartment, living room and air mattress to me. One of my favorite things about E and J is that they are a couple who enjoys good culture, good stories, and especially really good food. They foodies in the traditional sense - avid readers of restaurant reviews, food articles, online articles about good places to eat and drink, and their travels are centered on eating good food. I knew I would be in luck in terms of eating good food this week.
I got in Wednesday night in time for dinner and they first place they took me to was a contemporary Indian restaurant in their neighborhood called Tamarind. We took a brisk walk over about a dozen blocks and got to the restaurant just missing the 8p wave. We were stuck waiting at the bar and ordered delicious drinks served in overly small glasses. There is nothing that annoys me more than places that charge an insane amount for drinks in small glasses. Though I guess I could understand that this was Manhattan after all and the restaurant was contemporary in a chi-chi kind of way, but still, my mostly-ice gingerale didn't seem worth it. The clientle were mainly beautiful South Asians grabbing a bite to eat with friends after work. The bar started to get crowded 30 minutes into the wait. After we all commented about our growing hunger, E began to get annoyed at the host at the front door who had promised no more than a 20 minute wait.
I am amazed at how E is able to turn his assertive New Yorker (a combination of aggressive and joking annoyance on the verge of going ape-shit if you if you don't give him what he wants pronto). Perhaps it's been too long since I last hung out with him in our Bay Area environs but this was a new side to him that I hypothesize has developed in the past 10 years or so of becoming a true New Yorker. It made me reflect on how non-confrontational I've become. (Laster in the week E gently poked fun at my noticeable "California softness.")
So after some assertive guilting, we were seated and enjoyed some wonderful Indian food. I was impressed with the dishes, which seemed like a less greasy and heavy version of the Indian offerings back home. The best dish was this spicy deep fried cauliflower with a tomato-based red sauce. I also enjoyed the tamarind, orange, and a bunch of other fruits drink I can't remember that left the back of my throat with a warm burning sensation. Our walk back home, passeggiata, E tells me as the Italians refer to it, made the evening perfect; the weather was mild and we chatted with full, content bellies.
I woke up the next morning and decided to head out to the Museum of Natural History. I had never gone before and after seeing A Night At the Museum with Ben stiller, I was curious to see if the Museum was really that full of interesting displays of Western anthropological "findings." The trip up the West side was also on my way to visit a former professor and mentor at Columbia University, Professor G.
The beginning of the trip would start off bad. I walked around the corner to a bodega and picked up some breakfast because like typical busy big city folk, E and J had nothing but two kinds of beer and condiments in their fridge. I picked up a Metro Card and had some difficulty getting into the station because none of the turnstiles seemed to work. A man was closing up the station told me to go through the emergency doors and offered to take card to swipe me in. Before I really stopped to think about what was going on, he was swiping my card. Rookie mistake. I had an odd feeling like something weird just went down, like this interaction didn't seem quite right, but I heard the train coming and decided to ignore the strange feeling. The train came and I headed uptown. I would have to deal with that funny feeling later.
Even though the sun peeked through the clouds once in awhile, the sky sprinkled rain on and off on the way to the Museum. The train ride eased me back into NYC life and everything brought me back to my brief days as a New Yorker. I got off the B train at 81st street and walked around the corner. I was surprised to see the front of the Museum filled with tourists and school children. I entered the Museum and found the automated ticketing kiosks. The signs weren't too clear so I just purchased a general admission ticket for a student. Even though I later realized that this ticket wouldn't get me into the special exhibits - horses, the planetarium, and butterflies - I could walk around all the other areas.
The rest of the museum was fascinating from a cultural studies perspective. I shared with Professor G that I went to the Museum and mentioned the displays objectified and exoticized "people" of Africa, Asia, etc. He explained that that was to be expected since the Museum was originally designed in the 1930s by a eugenicist. This made sense to me given the evolutionary feel to the layout of the museum. I spent a total of over two hours at the museum and finished with the gemological exhibit. It's kind of sad but most of the exhibits the museum looked old and dingy. The newest exhibits were all about human evolution, DNA, ecology, and environmental preservation.
I had about 45 minutes to get to Columbia to see Professor G. so I decided to walk to Amsterdam, grab a quick bite to eat along the way and then hop on the local red line. I found this great corner deli and sandwich place that had yummy chicken noodle soup. I sat by the window and watched all the people walking by.
After that brief interlude, I walked the next block up and went into the subway. When I tried to scan my Metrocard, the turnstile told me that I had insufficient fare. I went over to the kiosk to scan my card to verify the remaining funds. Again, insufficient fare. The attendant saw my disconcertedness and scanned my for me. He reported that the last fare occurred at 830am. I felt stupid at that moment because I recalled my gut feeling earlier that morning when they guy "helped me." I had been scammed.
I didn't give it anymore thought because what else could I do but chalk it up to a lesson learned and a reminder to listen to my gut instincts? I quickly purchased another card and got on the next train uptown.
Columbia and Barnard were in the middle of graduation season so there were plenty of dressed up students and families running around. I got asked three times for directions to the graduation and unfortunately for them, I couldn't be helpful at all.
I found Professor G's building and decided to walk up to the third floor. I knocked on his door about 10 minutes early. The door slowly swung open and I was greeted by a happy chocolate cocker spaniel. Sophie sniffed my pants and proceeded to lick my hands despite probably smelling Obi. As Professor G. and I talked Sophie sat by my side or dozed off on the floor. Professor G. was getting old. The smile lines around his eyes and mouth showed more distinctly but his eyes and laugh did not betray any loss of youthful spirit. I left his office happy that I had reconnected with a mentor and an old friend. I know that he will remain a consistent source of support of guidance.
I ended my day with dinner back downtown with E and J. They took me to this unusual place that apparently was the latest "hot" restaurant amongst NYC locals: Momofuku Ssam. The menu is really unique - lots of strange meats, small dishes, and influences from all over the world. Their drinks are also a bit eccentric - I wanted to order a Coke and all they had was Dr. Pepper and Diet Dr. Pepper! Even though we were totally stuffed, we walked over to Chikalicious dessert bar for some exquisite sweets. Everything at this place is paired with some kind of dessert wine and is prix fixe. The course includes an amuse, choice of dessert, and petit fours. For an additional cost, you can also get wine paired.
What a way to end the night. Stuffed, we took over evening stoll back to the apartment.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
The last level of hell - Oral Examination
Whoever invented examinations for my program was probably trying to compensate for the lack of structure and organization in their own graduate program. I swear that if I failed, I would just quit because the experience of going through the written portion of my qualifying exams was enough to make me want to become a stay at home mom (props to all you SAHMs out there; this is just something I could never do).
So after finishing the written portion, I took Thursday off and did absolutely nothing with my friend J. I think we ate lunch, shopped, and went back to her place where we proceeded to watch 2 hours of the Travel Channel. We also managed to talk about our "desert island foods," which for me broke down something like this:
1. Hot dogs
2. Ramen
3. Sushi
4. Pizza
5. Popcorn
I think her list went something like:
1. any kind of bread and cheese
2. a family food specialty I can't remember at this moment
Yep, that's all I can remember. (I have really bad short term memory.)
I spent most of Friday grading midterms, which wasn't too bad except for the fact that students wrote paragraph answers for 1 point and 2 point questions they could have answered with phrases. So I had about 50 7 page midterms to grade. At 2p I took a break to chop of 4 inches of my hair. I have what my stylist would probably refer to as a shaggy bob that hits my ear lobes. I thought what the hell... why not?
Saturday rolled around and I spent the day finishing grading the midterms before heading into SF for a friend's bday dinner at The House. That evening when I got home, I had three midterms to finish up and then I tabulated and doubled my calculations before plugging the results into Professor R's spreadsheet. I was surprised to see that the students actually did quite well with my fairly lax grading. So I sent it off and that was that. Nothing was left to do but get myself mentally ready for oral exams on Mon.
Sunday was another cloudy day. I can't remember what I did during the earlier part of the day, but I do remember going to my volleyball game in the evening. We got killed with only 4 players. I began to feel this impending doom creep under my skin as D and I drove back home after the game.
We ate dinner and afterwards I sat down in front of my laptop, finally letting myself think about the orals. I reviewed what I had written each day but a sudden panic set in when I realized how much I had not written on, and the fact that I could get asked anything at all - even some of the texts I had not even read! c was supposed to head up to her place after dinner and crash because my orals were at 9a and I didn't want to deal with driving up in traffic. But by 9a I hadn't even started preparing. So I called my friend C and asked her for some advise. Should I just hit the road or should I just stay tonight and drive up in the morning? She advised that I was better off getting a good night's rest so that I could feel refreshed, energetic, and ready to go at the meeting. She also advised to not review or think about anything anymore; it was too late to be writing or second-guessing myself. "At this point," she adamantly said, "just believe that you know your shit."
Those words were enough to reassure me that I indeed was ready for anything they would throw at me. So I got up and went to bed. It turned out that I didn't sleep very well. Tossing and turning from worrying in addition to constantly waking up because I was afraid I wouldn't hear my alarm kept me up most of the night. By the time I woke up at 530a and hit the road by 615a, I was already ready to go back to sleep.
I made it up to Davis in time to pick up some pastries for the committee. Initially I wasn't going t bring anything but my friend W asked me about it. I was surprised to hear that people actually went all out and cooked for their quals. I was thinking that there would be no way I'd have enough energy or muster to do something like that. So pastries would be it and they'd better not be picky about it.
I got to the room about 15 early so I poked my head into F's, the program coordinator, office. She was really awesome because I think she sensed my nervousness and stopped working. We talked about grad school for her and we found out that we both grew up in SF. Just that 15 minutes of conversation was enough to calm my nerves as I heard the footsteps of Professor M, my committee chair, coming down the hallway.
In retrospect, the orals weren't that rough at all. I think it felt like an exploratory discussion about my ideas and project. Everyone was really awesome and provided some great feedback for me. I am happy that I decided to take W's advise and record the entire conversation. I was probably most nervous at the end when they were deliberating on their decision. When Professor M called me back in, everyone was smiling at me so I knew I had passed. But it got even better than that - Professor M informed me that the committee decided to give me a "high pass." Professor L said that my exam was the "the best Cultural Studies and Sociology qualifying exams she's ever participated in." Everyone agreed with her sentiments, even though this was their first time serving on a Cultural Studies exam committee. I was so shocked that my jaw dropped and I said, "no way... really?" They all laughed at me. And then I said, "wow..." and asked "really?" again.
However, they were unsure if that category was available. After my brain kicked back in, I told them it was and that they just needed to ask my program about how to go about doing that. And at the end, everybody gave me sincere hugs and told me to take some time off because I really deserved it. I got a little emotional as I began to realize what I had achieved. As we walked out of the building, I wanted to break into song and dance but decided to call D at work instead. The last level of hell turned out to be somewhat hellish, but only because of my own anxieties. All I wanted was a pass, and I really didn't give myself enough credit for the work I did. My committee sees much more in me than I could have ever imagined possible and it feels great for once to get affirmation from people who believe in me and my work. Even though they said I should take a break, I don't think I've felt this energized to research and write in a long time. But I know I should take it slow and savor the feeling of advancing to candidacy and becoming "All But Dissertation" (ABD).
So after finishing the written portion, I took Thursday off and did absolutely nothing with my friend J. I think we ate lunch, shopped, and went back to her place where we proceeded to watch 2 hours of the Travel Channel. We also managed to talk about our "desert island foods," which for me broke down something like this:
1. Hot dogs
2. Ramen
3. Sushi
4. Pizza
5. Popcorn
I think her list went something like:
1. any kind of bread and cheese
2. a family food specialty I can't remember at this moment
Yep, that's all I can remember. (I have really bad short term memory.)
I spent most of Friday grading midterms, which wasn't too bad except for the fact that students wrote paragraph answers for 1 point and 2 point questions they could have answered with phrases. So I had about 50 7 page midterms to grade. At 2p I took a break to chop of 4 inches of my hair. I have what my stylist would probably refer to as a shaggy bob that hits my ear lobes. I thought what the hell... why not?
Saturday rolled around and I spent the day finishing grading the midterms before heading into SF for a friend's bday dinner at The House. That evening when I got home, I had three midterms to finish up and then I tabulated and doubled my calculations before plugging the results into Professor R's spreadsheet. I was surprised to see that the students actually did quite well with my fairly lax grading. So I sent it off and that was that. Nothing was left to do but get myself mentally ready for oral exams on Mon.
Sunday was another cloudy day. I can't remember what I did during the earlier part of the day, but I do remember going to my volleyball game in the evening. We got killed with only 4 players. I began to feel this impending doom creep under my skin as D and I drove back home after the game.
We ate dinner and afterwards I sat down in front of my laptop, finally letting myself think about the orals. I reviewed what I had written each day but a sudden panic set in when I realized how much I had not written on, and the fact that I could get asked anything at all - even some of the texts I had not even read! c was supposed to head up to her place after dinner and crash because my orals were at 9a and I didn't want to deal with driving up in traffic. But by 9a I hadn't even started preparing. So I called my friend C and asked her for some advise. Should I just hit the road or should I just stay tonight and drive up in the morning? She advised that I was better off getting a good night's rest so that I could feel refreshed, energetic, and ready to go at the meeting. She also advised to not review or think about anything anymore; it was too late to be writing or second-guessing myself. "At this point," she adamantly said, "just believe that you know your shit."
Those words were enough to reassure me that I indeed was ready for anything they would throw at me. So I got up and went to bed. It turned out that I didn't sleep very well. Tossing and turning from worrying in addition to constantly waking up because I was afraid I wouldn't hear my alarm kept me up most of the night. By the time I woke up at 530a and hit the road by 615a, I was already ready to go back to sleep.
I made it up to Davis in time to pick up some pastries for the committee. Initially I wasn't going t bring anything but my friend W asked me about it. I was surprised to hear that people actually went all out and cooked for their quals. I was thinking that there would be no way I'd have enough energy or muster to do something like that. So pastries would be it and they'd better not be picky about it.
I got to the room about 15 early so I poked my head into F's, the program coordinator, office. She was really awesome because I think she sensed my nervousness and stopped working. We talked about grad school for her and we found out that we both grew up in SF. Just that 15 minutes of conversation was enough to calm my nerves as I heard the footsteps of Professor M, my committee chair, coming down the hallway.
In retrospect, the orals weren't that rough at all. I think it felt like an exploratory discussion about my ideas and project. Everyone was really awesome and provided some great feedback for me. I am happy that I decided to take W's advise and record the entire conversation. I was probably most nervous at the end when they were deliberating on their decision. When Professor M called me back in, everyone was smiling at me so I knew I had passed. But it got even better than that - Professor M informed me that the committee decided to give me a "high pass." Professor L said that my exam was the "the best Cultural Studies and Sociology qualifying exams she's ever participated in." Everyone agreed with her sentiments, even though this was their first time serving on a Cultural Studies exam committee. I was so shocked that my jaw dropped and I said, "no way... really?" They all laughed at me. And then I said, "wow..." and asked "really?" again.
However, they were unsure if that category was available. After my brain kicked back in, I told them it was and that they just needed to ask my program about how to go about doing that. And at the end, everybody gave me sincere hugs and told me to take some time off because I really deserved it. I got a little emotional as I began to realize what I had achieved. As we walked out of the building, I wanted to break into song and dance but decided to call D at work instead. The last level of hell turned out to be somewhat hellish, but only because of my own anxieties. All I wanted was a pass, and I really didn't give myself enough credit for the work I did. My committee sees much more in me than I could have ever imagined possible and it feels great for once to get affirmation from people who believe in me and my work. Even though they said I should take a break, I don't think I've felt this energized to research and write in a long time. But I know I should take it slow and savor the feeling of advancing to candidacy and becoming "All But Dissertation" (ABD).
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Exam Day 2 + 3
Brain mush pretty much sums up the result of both days.
I went to sleep after Day 1 pretty confident about Day 2. I think Day 2 came and went without great to-do. I remarkably churned out 24 pages despite how weary my brain was from Day 1. I think of all the days, I was most prepared for Day 2 even though I spent most of day 2 in a daze in retrospect.
So after I sent off my responses for Day 2, I immediately began to worry about Day 3 because I knew those questions would be hardest of all. The material for Day 3 was the most theoretical and abstract - neoliberalism, youth culture, and citizenship - as opposed to Day 1 (panethnicity) and Day 2 (multicultural education). I had also seen the questions from the first two days and had written outlines so I was a tad more prepared. Day 3 really scared me because I did not know what the questions were, I had read all these texts on my own, and the topics were really broad. Also, Professor S. was notoriously a "difficult question" writer.
My worry translated into a crappy night's rest (or lack thereof) which left me really tired the next morning. When I got the questions at my usual time, I read the questions at least 4 times and fell into a panic. I was freaking out because the questions were really hard. Unlike the first two days, Professor S's questions asked me to talk about my own research in the context of the readings we had done together. I hadn't prepped anything to answer those kinds of questions so I was hyperventilating pretty hard.
I hopped online and messaged A, who I reconnected with this past year through a strange stroke of luck. Professor A from UC San Diego was visiting campus for a talk last quarter. She happened to know Professor G, who I was TAing for, and was invited to give a guest lecture in class. I had also started my MA program at NYU when she was finishing up her PhD but I wasn't sure if she was going to remember me. After lecture I went up to her and reintroduced myself. She seemed to vaguely remember me and proceeded to move into faculty mode by spewing off questions about my research, who I was working with and if I was already in touch with so-and-so.
One of the names that came up was A, who I knew from high school and my San Jose State years. A and I were not close in high school but she always struck me as a kind person. We had exchanged emails several times towards the end of my SJSU years btu never managed to connect in person. I knew she had applied to Ethnic Studies programs around the same time I was applying for PhD programs as well, but I never found out what happened when I finally left for my last insane year in higher education at Santa Clara University. So when Professor A mentioned A, I was excited to run to my computer and email congratulations to her for deciding to go to UCSD.
After several email exchanges, we figured out that we were both taking exams at the same time. What a coincidence! The other remarkable thing was that her research was really similar to mine. I felt so happy because I finally had someone I could talk to my research about without explaining. We exchanged prospectuses to review and comment and were there for each other on googletalk whenever we (or more like I) freaked out and needed reassurance.
So when I got the questions for the third day, A was the first person I messaged on googletalk. Holy crap, I wrote, what they hell am I going to do? She tried to calm me down and asked me if I needed help brainstorming what to write. I began to bounce ideas back and forth with her and the juices began to flow. She had to go but gave me her cell just in case I needed someone to talk to later. I wasn't feeling quite confident enough to begin writing yet so I called J. She immediately told me to take a deep breath and get myself together. I knew this stuff, she said, and all I needed to do was to focus on feeling confident about my research. I had to treat the questions like as if I was the expert and educating Professor S and the rest of the committee.
I froze for probably a total of an hour before I got myself together. At about 11am I began to write. It took me about four hours to get through the first question. I was exhausted by 230p and laid down in bed for about 20 minutes. I had to summon my every last bit of strength and energy for the last question. I dragged myself out of bed and sat back in front of the computer. I had outlined my answer in the morning so I began to fill in the details to what I wanted to say. Somehow, I managed to get through and write enough to be satisfied.
By 530,p, I had written another 2o or so pages and decided to stop. There was absolutely nothing left in my brain so I decided to put my citations list together and proofread one last time. By 545p it was all over. Just like that. My written exams were over. No one came into the room to congratulate me. Obi was asleep on the floor. Mookie was curled up under my table in front of the space heater. I can't remember what I did after that. The rest of the night was a blur. I think I checked my email, maybe ate something, maybe I took another shower. There was no fanfare or confetti drop. No cheerleaders or band played for me. It was just over.
I went to sleep after Day 1 pretty confident about Day 2. I think Day 2 came and went without great to-do. I remarkably churned out 24 pages despite how weary my brain was from Day 1. I think of all the days, I was most prepared for Day 2 even though I spent most of day 2 in a daze in retrospect.
So after I sent off my responses for Day 2, I immediately began to worry about Day 3 because I knew those questions would be hardest of all. The material for Day 3 was the most theoretical and abstract - neoliberalism, youth culture, and citizenship - as opposed to Day 1 (panethnicity) and Day 2 (multicultural education). I had also seen the questions from the first two days and had written outlines so I was a tad more prepared. Day 3 really scared me because I did not know what the questions were, I had read all these texts on my own, and the topics were really broad. Also, Professor S. was notoriously a "difficult question" writer.
My worry translated into a crappy night's rest (or lack thereof) which left me really tired the next morning. When I got the questions at my usual time, I read the questions at least 4 times and fell into a panic. I was freaking out because the questions were really hard. Unlike the first two days, Professor S's questions asked me to talk about my own research in the context of the readings we had done together. I hadn't prepped anything to answer those kinds of questions so I was hyperventilating pretty hard.
I hopped online and messaged A, who I reconnected with this past year through a strange stroke of luck. Professor A from UC San Diego was visiting campus for a talk last quarter. She happened to know Professor G, who I was TAing for, and was invited to give a guest lecture in class. I had also started my MA program at NYU when she was finishing up her PhD but I wasn't sure if she was going to remember me. After lecture I went up to her and reintroduced myself. She seemed to vaguely remember me and proceeded to move into faculty mode by spewing off questions about my research, who I was working with and if I was already in touch with so-and-so.
One of the names that came up was A, who I knew from high school and my San Jose State years. A and I were not close in high school but she always struck me as a kind person. We had exchanged emails several times towards the end of my SJSU years btu never managed to connect in person. I knew she had applied to Ethnic Studies programs around the same time I was applying for PhD programs as well, but I never found out what happened when I finally left for my last insane year in higher education at Santa Clara University. So when Professor A mentioned A, I was excited to run to my computer and email congratulations to her for deciding to go to UCSD.
After several email exchanges, we figured out that we were both taking exams at the same time. What a coincidence! The other remarkable thing was that her research was really similar to mine. I felt so happy because I finally had someone I could talk to my research about without explaining. We exchanged prospectuses to review and comment and were there for each other on googletalk whenever we (or more like I) freaked out and needed reassurance.
So when I got the questions for the third day, A was the first person I messaged on googletalk. Holy crap, I wrote, what they hell am I going to do? She tried to calm me down and asked me if I needed help brainstorming what to write. I began to bounce ideas back and forth with her and the juices began to flow. She had to go but gave me her cell just in case I needed someone to talk to later. I wasn't feeling quite confident enough to begin writing yet so I called J. She immediately told me to take a deep breath and get myself together. I knew this stuff, she said, and all I needed to do was to focus on feeling confident about my research. I had to treat the questions like as if I was the expert and educating Professor S and the rest of the committee.
I froze for probably a total of an hour before I got myself together. At about 11am I began to write. It took me about four hours to get through the first question. I was exhausted by 230p and laid down in bed for about 20 minutes. I had to summon my every last bit of strength and energy for the last question. I dragged myself out of bed and sat back in front of the computer. I had outlined my answer in the morning so I began to fill in the details to what I wanted to say. Somehow, I managed to get through and write enough to be satisfied.
By 530,p, I had written another 2o or so pages and decided to stop. There was absolutely nothing left in my brain so I decided to put my citations list together and proofread one last time. By 545p it was all over. Just like that. My written exams were over. No one came into the room to congratulate me. Obi was asleep on the floor. Mookie was curled up under my table in front of the space heater. I can't remember what I did after that. The rest of the night was a blur. I think I checked my email, maybe ate something, maybe I took another shower. There was no fanfare or confetti drop. No cheerleaders or band played for me. It was just over.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Exam Day 1
Somehow I survived Day 1. In retrospect, today came on somewhat unexpectedly. I stopped study (or more like annotating my readings) on Friday and decided to take the weekend off. After all, this weekend was Mother's Day and my mom was throwing a big BBQ/potluck. So I decided to just relax with the fam on Saturday and chill out with D doing nothing on Sunday. I think taking this weekend off was great because I got to relax and wind down for a bit, even though I felt the nervousness lingering the entire time. I tried to stay away from doing anything related to my exams - reviewing what I had written up, outline notes, reading stuff I hadn't gotten to. By Sunday night, I felt more nervous than I expected.
I signed off on facebook by letting the world know about my going MIA for exams for awhile. I paid all my bills on Sunday and stocked up on frozen food so I wouldn't need to do any kind of thinking about what to eat or cooking beyond microwaving for the duration of my exams. I waited until Sunday night at about 9p before I started reviewing and outlining for Day 1.
The email with my questions came at about 9a. I tried really hard to keep calm and did a pretty good job of not feeling nervous or anxious. I already knew which questions I wanted to write on from the outlining I did the night before so I just started writing on the first question. I decided to split my time and give myself until 1p for the first question. Then I'd take a break for lunch and get back to work around 2p and finish up at 6p for the second question.
Time flew pretty quickly as I got through the first question. My afternoon dragged as I worked for the second question. For some reason, I had a weird sense of time and felt like I actually had more to spare than I really did. I took a quick nap around 230p and woke up groggy around 245p. I had to get working because I knew the rest of the afternoon would fly by.
I was right. Before I knew it, it was 5p. I had to make a choice - go back and fill in some of the analysis I left out of the first question or go through the entire doc and make edits. I decided for quantity over written quality. By 545p I was working on the Works Cited page and at 6p I emailed my answers away.
Just like that. Day 1 was over. No one cheered for me. Obi didn't even get up from his nap to give me a happy tail wag. Mookie just sat on the ground cat napping the afternoon away. I called D about 20 minutes after 6p and at least I got a happy congratulatory couple of sentences from him. My brain was mush but I was happy because Day 1 was over.
2 more to go.
Tomorrow should be fine. I just finished reviewing and outlining again. But it's day 3 that scares me. I can only guess what my questions will be like and I didn't finish all the reading. I'm going to trust myself and not try to cram because at this point, I either know it or I don't.
I am so tired. 2 more to go.
I signed off on facebook by letting the world know about my going MIA for exams for awhile. I paid all my bills on Sunday and stocked up on frozen food so I wouldn't need to do any kind of thinking about what to eat or cooking beyond microwaving for the duration of my exams. I waited until Sunday night at about 9p before I started reviewing and outlining for Day 1.
The email with my questions came at about 9a. I tried really hard to keep calm and did a pretty good job of not feeling nervous or anxious. I already knew which questions I wanted to write on from the outlining I did the night before so I just started writing on the first question. I decided to split my time and give myself until 1p for the first question. Then I'd take a break for lunch and get back to work around 2p and finish up at 6p for the second question.
Time flew pretty quickly as I got through the first question. My afternoon dragged as I worked for the second question. For some reason, I had a weird sense of time and felt like I actually had more to spare than I really did. I took a quick nap around 230p and woke up groggy around 245p. I had to get working because I knew the rest of the afternoon would fly by.
I was right. Before I knew it, it was 5p. I had to make a choice - go back and fill in some of the analysis I left out of the first question or go through the entire doc and make edits. I decided for quantity over written quality. By 545p I was working on the Works Cited page and at 6p I emailed my answers away.
Just like that. Day 1 was over. No one cheered for me. Obi didn't even get up from his nap to give me a happy tail wag. Mookie just sat on the ground cat napping the afternoon away. I called D about 20 minutes after 6p and at least I got a happy congratulatory couple of sentences from him. My brain was mush but I was happy because Day 1 was over.
2 more to go.
Tomorrow should be fine. I just finished reviewing and outlining again. But it's day 3 that scares me. I can only guess what my questions will be like and I didn't finish all the reading. I'm going to trust myself and not try to cram because at this point, I either know it or I don't.
I am so tired. 2 more to go.
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